Finding Freedom
Forever, I’ve wanted to be free.
This is a tall order, a ridiculous but universal desire. And yet, all my studies in yoga + meditation purport that to be free, you must rid yourself of desires. So the desire to be free prevents one from being free. Yes? How do I go about becoming free? I guess first I should define what freedom is for me. I want to be free of anxiety, depression and unfounded fear. I want to feel secure. I want to be charming + comfortable in social situations. I want to know what I want + then go for it. I want confidence. I don’t want self-doubt. I don’t want self-criticism. I want unconditional love.
Some of these freedoms are simple to dismantle. Not easy, but simple. I want to jettison self-criticism. So, I should stop criticizing myself. Freedom from anxiety + depression are a bit more elusive. When it comes to the untackle-able, awareness is the magic word that raises the portcullis to allow entry into the castle bailey where understanding + the possibility of change reside.
There is no joy in the finite. There is only joy in the infinite. - The Upanishads
Accomplishments, career success, comfort, travel + material possessions won’t free me, + yet I persist in looking outside myself for freedom. Though a mysterious + knowing voice deep below my surface beckons me, my search goes on above. Yes, money is necessary to get by in society - you won’t find freedom without healthcare, shelter, food, transportation + such. But boom-rockin’ honest-to-goodness real deal freedom has nothing to do with the atmosphere on the other side of my skin or the objects + societal awards it holds. This is something fathoms inside, whispering, whispering - let me out.
Freedom lives within; and we damn well know it.
Outside experiences tickle the caged whisperer. But at some point, dive we must. Plunging past the tissues + bones, wiggling between organs, to the soul - the Atman, in Sanskrit. We know this is the spring from which freedom spouts. Cover it up as we might, the whispering sneaks into our muffed minds. This is the infinite - the only place we’ll find freedom.